Tea and Sympathy
You get over one thing, and you think you can sit back and cruise for a while - just a while - and then life dumps other things on you. For no reason. Except maybe to see the expression on your face.
Maybe I'm being a little dramatic here. Everyone gets sick, right? Everyone loses someone special to them every now and then, right? No one really has it that much worse than anyone else when you think about it.
Skipping town was a good idea. Old friends are always a good idea, even when you feel broken and comatose. I don't know if it was the good company or the retail therapy or the sweet new tunes, or all 3, but I came home feeling a little better than shitty. Which is how I felt when I left.
I'm so ready to not think about any of it anymore, but I can't not. I can't not think about how he never really laughed out loud - he laughed silently, and had this huge, amazing smile, and you could tell when he was amused. I can't not think about him patiently teaching me to ride a skateboard when I was 7. Or us cheating his little brother at cards. Or watching The Wizard of Oz every year at Granny and Papa's (and holding his hand at their funeral and him telling me, "I never thought it would be like this - burying them on the same day." and sadly joking about double funerals periodically for the next 2 years). Or baking in the sun at baseball games drinking beers. Or me staggering around drunk one night when we were hanging out, and him steadying me and whispering "You're so great, I'm so glad we're friends," because he thought I wouldn't remember the next day. But I did remember. I remember Castle Grayskull. Rock-em, Sock-em Robots. Him making fun, understandably, of She-Ra, Princess of Power.
Maybe I will be able to not think about all that and a million other things one day. But not today. Or tomorrow. All I know is, this week has been easier than last week. And maybe next week will be easier than this one. I've gotten cards from the most unlikely of people, and my amazing work crew comforted me with tea. Even given everything that's happened, I am still a lucky, lucky girl.
Skipping town was a good idea. Old friends are always a good idea, even when you feel broken and comatose. I don't know if it was the good company or the retail therapy or the sweet new tunes, or all 3, but I came home feeling a little better than shitty. Which is how I felt when I left.
I'm so ready to not think about any of it anymore, but I can't not. I can't not think about how he never really laughed out loud - he laughed silently, and had this huge, amazing smile, and you could tell when he was amused. I can't not think about him patiently teaching me to ride a skateboard when I was 7. Or us cheating his little brother at cards. Or watching The Wizard of Oz every year at Granny and Papa's (and holding his hand at their funeral and him telling me, "I never thought it would be like this - burying them on the same day." and sadly joking about double funerals periodically for the next 2 years). Or baking in the sun at baseball games drinking beers. Or me staggering around drunk one night when we were hanging out, and him steadying me and whispering "You're so great, I'm so glad we're friends," because he thought I wouldn't remember the next day. But I did remember. I remember Castle Grayskull. Rock-em, Sock-em Robots. Him making fun, understandably, of She-Ra, Princess of Power.
Maybe I will be able to not think about all that and a million other things one day. But not today. Or tomorrow. All I know is, this week has been easier than last week. And maybe next week will be easier than this one. I've gotten cards from the most unlikely of people, and my amazing work crew comforted me with tea. Even given everything that's happened, I am still a lucky, lucky girl.
posted by Absinthe at 11:06 PM
1 Comments:
Baby, I'm sorry for your loss.
Keep writing, it will heal you.
2:53 PM
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