...for me to poop on

This is one of those days after which I'm going to need all those things in the world that make me feel better about life... you know those things that remind you of your security blanket/teddy bear/Transformer or whatever thing of choice you had as a kid that would be the first thing you rescued in the event of a fire or nuclear disaster or guerilla attack (Nicaragua was in the news a LOT when I was a child)?

It's not even that this day has been so awful...it's mostly that I've just had enough of it, you know? I'm ready for it to be over. I give up. It wins. I fully concede that getting out of bed was my first wrong choice in a series of wrong, wrong choices today. Uncle, ok??

So tonight, I'm going to cruise home, and enjoy many (time may keep me from getting to all) of the items on the following list:

- a long. hot. bath. This has become pretty much a nightly routine anyway, but it's going to feel especially good tonight. Tonight's bath will prominently feature scrub, pumice stone, a mask, and a shitload of moisturizer. Stress dries out my skin.

- a thin-crust Domino's pizza. Enough said.

- Mean Girls. It's funny, wicked, sweet, and the meanest, most horrible girl in school gets hit by a bus in the end. What could be better? Plus it features Lindsay Lohan, whom I secretly adore when she isn't dating Fez from That 70's Show or doing lines in public bathroom stalls or dying her hair nasty blonde. Stick with Meryl Streep, Lindsay. That one's a keeper. Ahem - I digress.

- Coke (a Cola, that is). For one day of my life, I'm going to have REAL COKE - not the diet stuff we delude ourselves into thinking tastes "just as good" as the real thing. It doesn't. Ok, fine, I'm having one right now. It just couldn't wait, people.

- Arrested Development. Funniest, smartest show ever to air on TV. Only America would be stupid enough to let a show like that slip through its fat, beer-soaked, frat-boy fingers. If the war in Iraq weren't enough of a reason for the rest of the world to hate us, they REALLY hate us for letting AD get cancelled.

- Portishead's Dummy. My favorite album of all time. It seems like a downer on the surface, but it always makes me feel better when I need to be consoled.

- my favorite quilt that Mimi made. The ends of it are in tatters now (I should probably look into getting it repaired), but I love wrapping up in it when I'm down. It's so old that the fabric is threadbare and really soft, so it feels good.

- The Best of Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. This DVD makes me laugh so hard that I projectile spray out whatever liquid I'm drinking at the moment. Funniest shit I've ever seen. "No animals were actually harmed during the making of this DVD. Except a schnauzer, but she liked it rough. Hey - what can I say? She's German..."

Good Christ, this day can't end fast enough. If I fall into my unmade bed 3 seconds after walking through the door, the above list may be considered null and void. Except the pizza. And bath. And Triumph. Well I have to eat and relax and laugh, don't I?

Inevitably, this means my mom will call with some task for me to carry out that can only be done TONIGHT. "Honey, I desperately need you to get me a roll of fresh salami, a 1930's telephone, and an exact scale model of Columbus' ship The Pinta before 9pm!!" Oh, who am I kidding? When has my mom ever called me "Honey?"